


H F***ing Q

by Esperata



Category: Harley Quinn (Cartoon 2019)
Genre: Closet Sex, Cuddling & Snuggling, Innuendo, M/M, Oblivious Victor Freeze, Pool Sex, Sexual Content, Swearing, Table Sex, Wall Sex
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-02-26
Updated: 2021-03-03
Packaged: 2021-03-16 20:36:17
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 6
Words: 6,174
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29706246
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Esperata/pseuds/Esperata
Summary: Victor knows the cruel highs and lows of love. It is his blessing and his curse. One not any of his teammates can understand.Or the fic where Victor is utterly oblivious to Penguin and Riddler's VERY obvious relationship.
Relationships: Oswald Cobblepot/Edward Nygma
Comments: 45
Kudos: 61





	1. Chapter 1

It had been a week from hell for most of the Legion of Doom. Luthor had discovered his replicated pink kryptonite didn’t have even half the effect he was hoping for. Black Manta had been thwarted by Aquaman and endured nearly two hours of tall tales from the man before he slipped his bonds. And Scarecrow had dosed himself in an experimental form of his toxin and needed restraining by Bane lest he do himself an injury.

For Mister Freeze too the week had proved frustrating. The promising line of research he had been pursuing in hopes for finding a cure for his beloved Nora had ended in another failure. He expected and indeed received very little sympathy from his compatriots for this. None of them had experienced the joys of true love as he had. He doubted any of them were even capable of comprehending the feelings that drove him. The real life fairytale of a perfect romance.

Regardless of the circumstances though, his dejection had been noted and he was included when Black Manta posited the idea of everyone taking some time off to relax in the building’s jacuzzi. While hot bubbling water did not appeal to him, he couldn’t deny that the prospect of a dip in one of the cold water pools was appealing. With that decision made he therefore pulled a speedo on over his suit for the aesthetic and made his way down to the swimming baths.

He was surprised when he stepped through the room with the jacuzzi not to see more people about. From the sounds of things when the suggestion was made, he expected most of the group to be there. In actual fact he could only see Penguin and Riddler sunk into the water, although they had considerately positioned themselves to allow everyone else room. He wondered if the others had already been in and got called away. Perhaps an emergency had required the majority's attendance. Or just the super powered members maybe. With that anxiety now in mind, Victor made his way nearer the pool to ask the pair, although they were seemingly too engrossed in whatever they were preoccupied with to notice him.

As he reached a close enough distance to keep from experiencing the rising heat off the water, he paused and awaited an acknowledgement from one or other of them. The inclination to discover why everyone else was absent was taking a backseat to his curiosity about their dedicated and focused activities so he continued to watch in silence. It appeared to be a form of mutual massage and he was intrigued.

Idly he contemplated if proceeding with the rubdown while in the pool rather than on a more traditional table alleviated a need for oils as well as helping to relax the muscles through the warm sauna like atmosphere. If he had to guess though he would assume the primary benefit was the ability to apply the technique to each other simultaneously, thus saving valuable time. Although he did notice differences in their methods since Riddler’s hands were circling Penguin’s pectorals while Penguin had his grasp clenching and unclenching over Riddler’s shoulders. That wasn’t surprising though. Each was likely to have accrued tension in different places so obviously their focus would reflect that.

What did surprise him was the rolling motion Riddler was employing and he couldn’t decide if that was to aid the stretching of his own deltoids or to increase the pressure through his own attentions. Leaning in with a rhythm to maximise the kneading action of his hands. That seemed most likely upon reflection but the scientist in him wouldn’t allow an assumption to pass unverified.

“That’s an interesting technique.”

His comment obviously caught them off guard and he suspected Nygma would have unbalanced in his haste to face him if it weren’t for Penguin latching his hands like claws into this shoulders. As it was Riddler settled for glaring back over said grasping hand.

“Are you critiquing our method?”

The tone was clearly insulted but Victor wasn’t phased by that. Nygma was highly strung and often took unnecessary offence in his opinion. He kept his own tone perfectly civil as he replied.

“I was merely commenting that I had not seen that style of massage before. Are you utilising your height to exert added pressure?”

For some unfathomable reason all Nygma did was blink slowly at him, as if he could not quite follow what he was being asked, and Victor had to conclude he was about to be berated for his ignorance on this topic. Thankfully however Penguin took advantage of the lull to answer instead, although he too sounded strained by the conversation.

“It's a little something I picked up in the Orient.”

Victor was distracted by Nygma muttering something but all he caught was “didn’t pick me” and “not little” which sounded very like a whine about not being the one to answer at length on what was obviously a detailed methodology. Threatened with a more intensive explanation from the Riddler, Victor focused his conversation entirely to Penguin.

“I’d be curious to learn more. Perhaps you could elaborate for me?”

This time Nygma let out a very obvious whine of disapproval and Penguin’s attention snapped back to him. He still managed a rather huffed answer though.

“Later. This process is very… immersive.”

Penguin readjusted his position as he spoke and Nygma let out a breath. Obviously his twist previously had left him in an uncomfortable position.

“It is also somewhat time sensitive,” he continued with something of a snap to his voice. “And is best uninterrupted.”

The message was clear and Victor was content with the prospect of learning more later. Standing beside the steaming jacuzzi was already bothering him and it was readily apparent no crisis had happened. Obviously the others were merely allowing the required window of time for this unusual massage session to be concluded. He therefore inclined his head and made his retreat towards the separate cold room.

Just before he could go through that doorway however he caught sight of Black Manta heading in and quickly moved to cut him off.

“Penguin and Riddler are not finished with their Oriental massage yet,” he cautioned.

“Their Oriental massage?” the rogue queried, glancing past him to see the pair. It was impressive how his irritation was conveyed despite him wearing a sheer helmet. “Oh for fuck’s sake! I’m going to have to clean that pool out  _ again _ .”

With no further explanation he turned and stalked back the way he’d come, leaving Victor to continue with his own bathing plans. The last aspect he noted before focusing on his own unwinding was the fact they must have been using oils after all and that it was rather inconsiderate of them to thus contaminate the pool when others might wish to use it. It made him genuinely glad for once not to have been hoping to share the heated waters and he settled with a much lighter heart than normal to relish his cold dip.


	2. Chapter 2

Accidents were common in the Legion of Doom headquarters, although they tended to be more gruesome than those experienced by common folk. Bane in particular had an unfortunate habit of squishing people and objects beyond their endurance but he was by no means the only supervillain to endure a higher than usual number of mishaps. Freeze’s own brand of unhappy incidence was his forgetfulness regarding the temperature tolerances of items. While he could determine the exact specifications to successfully cryofreeze someone for later revival, recollecting which tupperware wouldn’t shatter was beyond him.

His latest endeavour to supercool some strawberries would have been fine if he hadn’t caught the bowl in his attempt. Freeing the fruit from the bowl had resulted in an explosion of ceramic shards which it had been voted he had to clean up. Hence his desultory trudge now to the cleaners cupboard for a dustpan and brush. His mood though was less about the ruined strawberries, or even his menial role in the aftermath, and more focused on the reminder of his beloved Nora’s fragile state. How like a delicate fruit she was, protected by the ice but also at the mercy of its particular susceptibilities.

Lost in thoughts of her haunting beauty and the bittersweet moment of their last embrace, it took him longer than it should to recognise the incongruity inside the cupboard space. To be fair though there were reasons he needed several seconds to piece together what he could see. The darkness predominantly, which blended with the black top hat blocking his view, as well as the confusion of limbs that were misleading his perception. Eventually however he distinguished the two figures of Riddler and Penguin seemingly crushed into the small space.

He’d just opened his mouth to query their presence when a possible realisation came to him, making him snap it shut in alarm. Hiding in an easily muffled area and obviously reducing their inhalation of fresh air by breathing into each other’s mouths could only mean one thing. They had discovered a dangerous gas in the air and were doing their best to evade its effects. Automatically he glanced down to his suit’s readouts to see if he’d missed any alerts himself. His own air supply was always filtered as it went through its cooling chambers, a necessity when working with his chemically talented comrades, so he wasn’t overly concerned. Yet such a tactic was often the prelude to a more physical attack.

“Do you mind?”

Victor looked up to see Riddler glaring at him over Penguin’s head, the top hat having apparently fallen off to clear Nygma’s line of sight. The flush on the man’s cheeks was another worrying sign of some toxin affecting his system and an indicator that trying to hold a discussion with either of them right now was not wise. Therefore he merely nodded briskly before shutting them back in their reasonably safe sanctuary.

With those two seemingly out of commission he then turned his thoughts to everyone else. He might be safe from whatever was affecting them but what about the rest of the Legion’s members? As if in answer to his thoughts he saw one of the possible culprits for events wandering down the corridor towards him and tensed in preparation. Scarecrow would also inject his vicious concoction if he got close enough.

“Hey. You find a broom yet?”

The question threw Freeze and once again it took him a moment to connect the dots.

“No,” he answered cautiously. “A more pressing concern arose.”

“Oh?”

Victor was familiar enough with Scarecrow’s gossipy nature and knew that tone of unbridled curiosity. He relaxed slightly. If he wasn’t the perpetrator then he might in fact be of benefit.

“You wear a filter in your mask do you not? I believe there may be contaminants in the air.”

“Contaminants? Why do you say that? The building alarms haven’t gone off.”

A thump from inside the cupboard beside them drew both their attention.

“Penguin and Riddler are concealing themselves from the effects,” he explained. “Perhaps Ms Isley has developed a new strain of one of her pollens?”

“Yeah perhaps.”

Scarecrow folded his arms and stared at the door which had started pulsating, making Victor wonder if she’d somehow infected the very wood itself.

“I’m guessing this is just those two, ya know?” Scarecrow suggested, finally bringing his gaze back to Freeze. “Best just leave them to get it out of their system.”

For a moment Victor hesitated but then he conceded to Professor Crane’s expertise. He was more knowledgeable about chemical concoctions upon the human body. And it was true neither of them, nor any alert system, had reacted to anything.

“Perhaps you are right. I shall get a brush from downstairs.”

A dry laugh escaped from Scarecrow even as he continued on his way.

“Ain’t nobody going to want to go in  _ there  _ for a while.”

The last thing Freeze heard from him was a resigned sigh and a mutter about telling Lex. Personally Victor resolved to be thankful he’d avoided whatever chemical reaction had driven the others into their self imposed seclusion.


	3. Chapter 3

The Legion of Doom headquarters boasted many advantages. From its basement of expendable henches to its fully equipped gymnasium, there was nothing the self respecting supervillain might require that could not be acquired within its confines. Deliveries were frequent, if generally impeccably discrete, and there was a crew on hand 24/7 to handle the storage.

That said, the shelves where the more esoteric items were kept were off limits to all but the supervillains themselves. Only Lex’s robots had access otherwise for auditing purposes. It wasn’t common to visit, generally only being necessary immediately before a grand scheme was being enacted, but sometimes the equipment or chemicals needed checking for deterioration and a human eye was required. Freeze knew that Scarecrow particularly didn’t trust the Lexcorp bots to assess his own toxins and he had also developed the habit of periodically double checking his stocks.

Walking between the high shelves, he took no notice of his compatriots possessions. He knew many of the population would give their right arm, possibly literally, to even catch a glimpse of such iconic valuables but it didn’t interest him at all. What was such memorabilia to the possibility of once again holding a warm hand within his? Yet despite his concentrated focus on his personal objective, even he couldn’t fail to notice the figures sprawled half way down one of the side aisles.

Hesitating briefly in his journey he assessed the situation. The green clad limbs were obviously Nygma. Even without seeing the question marks emblazoning the fabric, he recognised it at once. It took him a second to work out from his angle behind the rogue just who was laid out in front of him but then the top hat to the side clued him in. It then became a problem of why they might be fighting and whether it was better to intervene or leave them to it.

“Put your back into it!”

The growl confirmed the identity of Penguin but also alerted Victor to the fact they were not in fact fighting at all. Despite Nygma being obviously crouched over a prostrate Penguin, he had obviously misunderstood the situation. Clearly, the riddling rogue was attempting to help the other man up. That being the case he wondered if he should go over and help - he was after all much stronger than Riddler - added to which Nygma was slipping up and down in an alarming manner which implied he was unable to get a firm grip. He thought it strange he hadn’t realised the sensible thing to do would be to latch his hands round Penguin’s wrists where they were groping at his shoulders rather than try to hold the fatter man’s generous waist.

However he thought twice about helping as he recollected some of their recent remarks to him laced with what could only be described as hostile sarcasm. For some reason they had both taken to denigrating his eyesight or comprehension skills. Only that morning, Nygma had suggested he couldn’t tell a missionary from a cowgirl which had irritated him. Even the concession to gender equality hadn’t mollified Victor given that it was likely only to facilitate whatever wordplay the Riddler had been utilising. The very disparity in appearance between the two occupations guaranteed his hackles rose though.

For that reason he quite deliberately continued on his way from where the pair were struggling together. He even took a vindictive pleasure in hearing the vocalisations indicating how out of breath Nygma was getting. Yet by the time he’d checked his stash of liquid nitrogen and headed back to the door, he couldn’t help but feeling a little concerned. Nygma should have gotten further with Penguin by now and such a delay would inevitably be antagonising the other man. Any minute now it was possible the tuxedoed criminal would unleash himself upon his hapless helper. Not even a smug and annoying verbal artist like Edward deserved to be ended in such a fashion.

Without realising it Victor had stopped just outside the door, contemplating whether to go back or not. His crisis of conscience was then interrupted by a purring voice.

“Problem?” Cheetah’s eyes flickered to the door behind him, obviously assessing possibilities. “You look miles away.”

“Not miles,” he corrected. “Just meters. Riddler is getting Penguin up.”

“Oh?”

Her smirk was not surprising for a rogue. Each of them had a penchant for hearing the misfortunes of others.

“Yes. Though he was positioned awkwardly. Too high up the body to be properly effective.”

“Aiming high was he?” She nodded thoughtfully. “Probably motorboating then.”

“Motorboating,” he repeated slowly, hoping the explanation would present itself since she clearly felt it was something he would recognise.

“Yeah. Not usually something you’d do with a guy but considering its Penguin…” she pivoted briskly in an oscillating manner and smirked. Freeze kept his eyes respectfully above the distracting display.

“Ah,” he commented as he realised that was the only explanation he was getting and his mind whirled quickly to put together the pieces.

A water based crime would fit Cobblepot’s aquatic bird aesthetic and the man did have buoyancy on his side for it. He was unsure why Cheetah felt most men would avoid such an avenue but he let that slide. In point of fact he was more confused by why she switched the conversation from their current predicament to their planned criminal endeavours.

“Best keep clear for a while anyhow,” she concluded.

“Yes,” he agreed. “I imagine a motorboat would take some effort to outfit.”

She gave him a narrow eyed look.

“Yeah,” she eventually muttered before sashaying away.

He waited a minute while she moved out of sight before turning and reopening the door cursing that his conscience wouldn’t allow him to simply leave. However when he stuck his head inside again he found the place quiet once more and rapidly concluded either Nygma had successfully got Cobblepot off the floor or he’d been killed already. Either way there was no reason now for Freeze to get involved and he tactfully withdrew. After all the last thing he wanted was to be involved in any possible clean up that might be required.


	4. Chapter 4

When Victor had first had his accident, turning him into Mister Freeze, he was hardly a pin-up specimen of masculinity. His original suit had been hastily designed to allow him some degree of freedom while providing a suitable environment for him but it had been frustratingly cumbersome. Consequently he'd built up a fair degree of muscle tone. Fighting with Batman regularly had also gradually morphed into developing an exercise routine so that he was now a fit and healthy male, albeit at subzero temperatures. He would be lying if he said he hadn't considered the effect his new physique might have on his wife once she was awoken and he'd therefore determined to maintain this peak level of fitness.

Thankfully that was facilitated by the amply outfitted gym within the Legion of Doom headquarters. Far more convenient than setting anything up in his private residence or attempting to frequent an ordinary fitness centre. Still he generally tried to time his visits for the quieter periods. Or at the very least when Bane wasn't there to critique his abilities.

He had thought opting to double back after their obligatory manual lifting workshop would be ideal as most people fled as soon as the mandatory training was over. A quick look around showed him that he hadn't been alone in that thought however. Across the room Cobblepot and Nygma were engaged in a traditional wrestling style test of strength. He tsked under his breath at the fact neither had changed yet for such activities and was about to admonish them for the fact when he saw them begin the process of stripping. It was unusual that they weren't utilising the changing rooms for the purpose but he wasn't prepared to kick up a fuss over such lack of propriety.

Turning from their grappling he moved over to one of the weight machines and began adjusting it for his session. Finally getting everything to his liking he settled and began his workout. The sounds of grunting and groaning was minorly distracting but not enough to bother him.

He could see them in his peripheral vision, locked in combat still, but now free of their inappropriate garments. It seemed likely that Penguin would triumph given his weight advantage but Victor did consider the possibility Cobblepot was teaching Nygma to counter it, given the prolonged nature of their sparring.

Putting them out of mind temporarily, he focused on completing his required lifting. Without intending to, he found himself falling into sync with their pattern of almost rhythmic gasping and panting. It took him a while before he realised and restrained his overly enthusiastic pumping iron. An unfortunate side effect of his condition was a problem producing sweat so he’d learned to conduct several shorter bursts of exercise rather than a single long session. Building up definition in preference to muscle mass. Therefore he soon reached the end of his routine and carefully sat while his body metaphorically cooled down. It was at that point he glanced again to see if the others were likewise finished.

To his surprise he saw they’d migrated from Greek wrestling to some sort of freestyle. That wasn’t what had him arching an eyebrow however. No. It was the realisation that Riddler had hefted Penguin’s bulk enough to pin him against a wall. An impressive feat of strength from the apparently weaker man. Victor would honestly not have thought the puzzle obsessed rogue would have had it in him. Not that Cobblepot was conceding the fight yet. Which made sense to Victor as he merely had to wait out Nygma’s ability to keep him suspended and then flip the situation to pin the other man in turn. His shifting about indicated he was making some effort to displace the grip on him but overall it appeared a waiting game now especially with Nygma countering his bucking motions with his own.

On another day Freeze might have stayed on to observe but he had other matters to attend to. Leaving the equipment and heated combatants therefore he made his exit. Only to collide with the solid form of Gorilla Grodd out in the corridor. The huge primate barely acknowledged him, focused as he was sniffing the air.

“Urgh. Humans are disgusting.”

“I was only lifting some weights,” Freeze objected mildly, wondering himself if his odour really was offensive and whether it would be noticeable to anyone with a less sensitive nose.

“Not you,” Grodd growled before jerking his chin at the doorway behind Freeze. “ _ Them _ .”

“Oh. Yes, they have been going at it quite a while.”

“And it's not the first time either,” Grodd complained. “Everywhere I go is covered in their stink.”

At this stage Victor wasn’t certain if he was still only referring to Penguin and Riddler, or if he’d broadened his rant to the rest of humanity as well, so he decided to hedge his bets.

“It must be difficult having such a sensitive nose.”

He received a frown for his tact.

“You know nothing of gorillas. It does not take any special sensitivity to be disgusted at their proclivity. They are worse than bonobos,” he sniffed derisively.

Freeze didn’t know who or what bonobos was and wasn’t inclined to reveal his ignorance by asking.

“Well, if the sweaty activities of humans disgusts you so much, might I suggest you find a different gymnasium? Perhaps a jungle gym?”

He smirked at his pun until the glass of his helmet was suddenly fogged up by an angry huffed breath.

“I could snap you like a twig. But I’m a civilised ape. I shall speak to Luthor about these usage violations.”

So saying he huffed again and swung about to stomp off and presumably to carry out his threat. Freeze snorted quietly to himself at an animal complaining about the residue of manly exercise in the gym. Why should Lex care for such a petty grievance? Amused by the thought of their leader’s reaction, he turned the opposite way and set off cheerfully to continue his own project.


	5. Chapter 5

The boardroom was the closest thing the Legion of Doom had to a venerated space. With so many puffed up egos thronging the place, they needed some boundaries to keep their ranks from being preternaturally thinned. There was an implicit code of conduct for all members of course but the boardroom was where they were strictly maintained. Nobody wanted the discussions of plans to descend into useless in-fighting. In fact, co-operation and supportive exchanges were positively encouraged within those walls, something most villains wouldn’t consider outside of them.

Victor was heading there now for a different purpose however. Asides from scheduled meetings, the room was only infrequently used. Just occasionally a visitor might be waiting there, if they were being favoured with a taste of the grandeur of the place, but otherwise everyone had their own private offices. Which made it a secluded quiet spot in which to think, free of the distractions to be found elsewhere. He had the glimmers of a new idea for curing Nora and required uninterrupted time to consider the possibility.

He almost turned around the moment he stepped inside and realised the room was already occupied but then he noticed the incongruities. The first oddity he noted was the fact Penguin and Riddler were both up on the table. The second that they were naked.

Confused, he looked to the flooring in case something there had driven them to seek refuge and his eyes caught on the evenly spaced vents that comprised the building’s air management system. He’d heard people mention before the draft they produced. It would therefore make sense to seek shelter on the tabletop if the cold blast was severe enough. Looking up again he considered their nakedness and the old wives tale came back to him, that sharing body heat worked better skin-to-skin. Given the way they were pressed together, Penguin using his bulk to cover Riddler’s skinny frame and rubbing his body up and down vigorously, it all made perfect sense.

They didn’t hear him walking towards them over the sound of skin slapping and breath coming in shorter gasps. The latter worried him as well. Exercise was all very well in the cold but it did no good to inhale too much cold air. However he chose to focus on the primary cause for concern.

“Stripping to share body heat doesn’t work well. That’s a myth. Try finding cover to trap body heat instead.”

He watched them as they stilled suddenly and awaited their response, initially only hearing a deep inhalation from Penguin. It was gratifying his interruption had solved the secondary issue unintentionally. A few deep breaths from both of them later and Riddler managed to answer him, glancing past Cobblepot’s shivering form and swallowing before finding the words he wanted. Obviously the cold was affecting them both substantially.

“Uh… good to know… Can… can you scoot off to the back? Past… past the door?”

His inability to save enough breath for full sentences was worrying but Victor understood the sense of modesty that was clearly at the heart of the request. Huddling for warmth, no matter how ill conceived, was a far cry from baring your nakedness. Especially to one who had no need to cuddle in the cold. He therefore obligingly moved over to the aforementioned door.

“This door?” he clarified politely.

It was at that point Penguin’s naturally volatile temper snapped.

“Any door! Any door is fine! And lock it!”

Victor was too used to such outbursts and didn’t let it bother him. Obviously Penguin was both embarrassed at his situation and his lack of extreme temperature knowledge. Yet Freeze felt it his duty to explain for them.

“For the body heat? I suggest a smaller room like an office or a closet.”

“You are making it colder! Please leave!”

He almost made a comment about penguins being supposed to like the cold but thought better of it. Extreme cold was known to turn even warm hearted men into killers so it wouldn’t do to aggravate a recognised villain like Cobblepot. Added to which, his cryo suit likely was making things colder. He therefore obliged by vacating the room.

Once outside he paused to check the settings on his equipment again. It wasn’t issuing any warnings for external temperature but then again that would only occur if it got hotter, not colder. He was beginning to realise that it would have been useful to incorporate a sensor that could actually tell him the air temperature for those rare occasions when it might be suitable for him to forgo his suit.

“Something wrong Victor?”

The smooth voice startled him but he refrained from showing it, instead looking up and meeting Luthor’s gaze with equanimity.

“I believe the air conditioning is on the fritz again in the boardroom because Penguin and Riddler are trying to keep warm.”

Lex’s eyes shot to the door to the room and a very minute frown appeared on his brow before he shook his head in mild exasperation.

“Thank you Victor. I’ll take it from here.”

The hint was clear in his tone and Freeze nodded his own acknowledgement before walking off. However he still caught Luthor muttering under his breath, “Goddamnit, not again.”

A very small part of him felt... not exactly pity but solidarity with the Legion of Doom’s leader. He knew how frustrating it was dealing with persistent equipment malfunctions, albeit his were often more life threatening. Penguin and Riddler did not know how lucky they were, being able to warm up together while Victor was unable to warm up his own beloved wife.

He laughed at his own comparison. It was hardly apt. He and Nora were soulmates in love. Nygma and Cobblepot were allies of necessity. But still, the fact they had the option to physically interact when it was beneficial to either or both of them still placed them in an enviable position from where he was looking. It was only a pity they themselves were unaware of the boon granted to them.


	6. Chapter 6

Most of the rogues had rooms to sleep in at the Legion of Doom's headquarters. Useful if plans went south and the heat got too hot but generally not frequently used. Nevertheless they were recognised private spaces just as much as the individual work areas and it was very bad form to enter any of them uninvited.

Victor however had decided his current assignment superseded any such niceties. He was testing the flow of air through the ventilation system as it seemed a blockage had developed. The obstruction was likely some would-be hero or would-be recruit looking to prove themselves but instead getting stuck and just causing more aggravation. Prior experience proved it was best to remove them before the smell drifted all over the building. He therefore wandered into the bedroom with the secure air of a maintenance employee granted written permission, even if that permission was in fact only assumed.

He didn’t notice anything unusual in the room at first, being too focused on comparing the air flow readings and whether they were significantly lower than the last vent, but then a noise put him instantly on alert. His gaze flickered first to the door and he prepared to defend himself from a challenge to his presence. He had believed Lex would be away from the room throughout the day but he wouldn’t rule out a bot having been left on guard. Yet a glance showed nobody and nothing there. He then looked suspiciously at the vent, wondering if the intruder was actually still moving around in there, but a repetition of the sound confirmed it had come from inside the room and he looked about again.

This time he found the source at once as a movement of bed sheets caught his eye. Cautiously approaching, he briskly reassessed whether he’d misunderstood Luthor’s intended plan and if he hadn’t in fact left the building. Although it quickly became apparent from the odd shape that it wasn’t Luthor, nor any solitary individual. Shifting silently to a better position, he found himself surveying Penguin and Riddler in their slumber. It felt somehow surreal to see them so unguarded and in a position suggestive of intimacy and he tried to imagine what might have led them to such a situation.

As he watched Oswald snored lightly again while Edward instinctively shuffled against him. Clearly they had snuck into the room for nefarious purposes of their own, perhaps after some valuables hidden where Luthor slept, and triggered an automated defence. Most likely a sleeping agent sprayed from one of the bed posts if he had to guess. Their position tucked under the blankets was confusing him until he noticed Nygma’s hand clenched tightly in the fabric pulling it to his chin. Suddenly the earlier shuffling made more sense since the slender man was obviously cold and seeking further warmth.

Briefly he wished he had a camera device to record the scene since he was certain no-one would believe this behaviour of these two before suddenly realising Lex would most probably have been alerted to the activation of his room defences. Although he himself had a perfectly valid reason for being there, he did not want to be involved with the argument that would be sure to break out when the Legion of Doom leader confronted them about their attempt to undermine him.

Silently but quickly therefore he slipped from the room and began making his way along the corridor, only to stop when he saw the elevator panel indicating someone was heading to the floor. With few options open that would allow him to escape the showdown, he decided to slip into Bane’s room and hope the rogue was absent. A hope that was swiftly dashed with the obvious hulking form turning to look at him. Rather than admit to his real reason for visiting, and thus his presence in Luthor’s room previously, he sought a topic to question him about. Unfortunately that led him to bring up what the former sight had brought to mind.

“In Arkham did the doctors advocate hugging to you, for the psychological benefits of human touch?”

If the other criminal was bemused by the unexpected interruption and discussion he did not show it.

“No,” he answered simply before flexing his muscles at Freeze and continuing, “but hugging is fun. It builds character. Especially when I hear the spines snap.” 

The response was unsurprising and Victor mostly ignored it as he continued his own line of thought.

“I would hug my Nora often. Before the accident denied me such joys. I always thought the doctors should have shown more sensitivity about it.”

A scream of unbridled rage pierced the thick walls, distracting them from their talk, and seconds later the sound of shattering glass drew both their attentions to the window. They were in time to see a king size bed fly out, trailing sheets and blankets, with the figures of Riddler and Penguin clutching the headboard as it skimmed through the air. Both men continued to stare as it promptly plummeted out of sight and then stared at the space until the inevitable splash echoed upwards.

“Huh.” Freeze tilted his head in confusion. “They looked naked.”

Across from him Bane nodded in agreement before commenting.

“I think I too would throw my bed out if I found those two violating it like that.”

The misconception by the beefed up criminal didn’t surprise Victor. Bane was all about brute strength rather than intelligence like himself. Still, in a moment of compassion he chose to enlighten him.

“Lex must have used his laser on them upon finding them in his space. Their clothes must have burned off.”

Bane chuckled at that explanation.

“I see why the others are amazed at you,” he commented. “You really do have an agile mind for seeing these explanations.”

The compliment pleased him and Victor allowed a smile. It was nice to know others recognised his ability to deduce solutions from the puzzle pieces presented to him.

“I am a scientist,” he said magnanimously.

“I see now they are right and will have to pull out all the stops before you stop finding these explanations.”

Freeze accepted the commendation with a nod of his head before holding it high as he left the room. He was indeed the most rational and observant of individuals. There was no situation he could not analyse and source the most logical reasoning for. If only everyone were as clear sighted as him then the world would be a far simpler place.


End file.
